Maybe
by alysunsparkle
Summary: He says it isn't enough. Or does she? The back and forth debacle of whether or not two soul mates will end up together.
1. Chapter 1

How had he ended up here, he thought to himself. How had the level-headed, four-time Olympic gold medalist, with all the discipline and determination in the world, fall to the feet of a seventeen year old girl. How did a 30 year old man, end up laying on a couch, in the gym he ran, with one of the girls he coached.

It didn't start with that kiss. It started the day they first met. Knowing only her out of all the others, and calling her out on it. Always paying more attention to her than any of the others. Putting her gymnastics before his health.

And then, she broke her back. She broke her back and it nearly broke him. He should have realized it there. He should have stopped visiting her, he shouldn't have called the doctor to come and fix her. He shouldn't have created that stupid award, he shouldn't have taken those wretched ballet classes with her. So many should have's. So many regrets.

Then she kissed him. Like nothing else mattered. And for a few milliseconds, nothing else did matter. Because for a few milliseconds, he kissed her back. But in the end, it was like nothing had ever happened, because he pushed her away faster than it had began.

He told her all he wanted was a dedication in her book. That wasn't true. He wanted so much more than she could give him. He wanted a wedding, a family, a cottage in Romania. He wanted a life with her. He didn't want to wait around for her to finish college and he didn't want to have to explain everything to her family. He stood up and started pacing around the gym office, overwhelmed with his thoughts.

"Sasha," Payson asked, recognizing the self-hatred and agony in his eyes. "Do you hate me?"

"Payson," He replied. "You know I love you."

"You do," She paused, and tried to get him to make eye contact. "But it's not enough."

He sighed and looked her in the eyes. "No," He stated, "It's not enough."

He turned his back and walked out. He didn't want to hurt her, he really didn't. But maybe he had to look out for himself. Maybe he couldn't be strong around her. Maybe he wasn't the person she needed him to be. And maybe tearing himself apart for her, wasn't worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

Payson Keeler stood in the living room of her house. There were tables lined up, several for food, and some for presents. A banner hung directly across from the front door with the words, "Happy Engagement Summer & Sasha" written across it. As far as Payson was concerned, there was nothing happy about the occasion. It was just another function she had to grace with her presence.

Her mother had volunteered to host the party, much to Payson's dismay. It was bad enough that she had to watch the Rock's over-enthusiastic Christian marry her ex-boyfriend, but what made it even worse was that she had to spread their love. _Yeah, love._ Payson thought. _Sasha loves sex. And she's trapping him into marriage by with-holding it. _She was so busy sulking in her thoughts that she hardly noticest the arrival of several of the Rock's finest members. (If by finest you meant never making it to the Olympics, let alone winning a gold medal.) She decided to collect herself and became the great hostess her mother instructed her to be.

Everytime she turned around there was another hand to shake, and another person to put on a smile for. The party had barely started, and she felt like she'd greeted every person in Boulder. She turned to greet yet another group of guests, and she was relieved to find it was actually a group she wanted to see.

She looked up at Austin, smiling in relief as he bent down to press a kiss on her forehead. She looked around instinctively to make sure nobody was watching, and it took a minute to realize the no dating rule didn't apply to her anymore. Behind Austin stood Kaylie and Nicky, bright smiles on both of their faces, and linked by the hand.

The four had just completed a joint two week media tour. They were all permitted a three day break in Colorado before they had to pick up and tour the east coast. It wasn't surprising they were adored everywhere in the US, seeing as between the four of them they had managed to procure fourteen Olympic gold medals. The four had become virtually inseperable since their victories.

"Pay!" Kaylie exclaimed, turning to hug her friend. "It's only been a day and I missed you so much!"

Payson laughed in reply. "What are you going to do when the press tour is over and you're at UCLA?"

"I don't know!" Kaylie said. "It's crazy isn't it? Exciting, but crazy."

"It was only a month ago we were spending every hour of the day together at the Rock," Nicky said, adding his input. "It doesn't seem real we could be celebrating here together for the last time."

"Why do we have to be here again?" Payson interjected. "It's not like we won't attend the wedding."

"It's just another function," Austin reminded her. "But this one is about someone we actually care about."

"Yeah, well that still doesn't mean I want to be here," She mumbled in reply.

"But you are, and you look beautiful," Austin said, looking down at her with a smile.

Payson leaned into his side. He was wearing black pants and a white button down shirt. She loved it when he got rid of his leather jacket, and replaced it with something more classic. She, on the other hand, was looking very risque in a short, form-fitting sequined dress. It was black and long-sleeved. She once would have found it revealing, however ever since she completed the Olympics, she found she had more time to worry about her style and much more body to work with. She wore silver pumps on her feet, and her hair hung down in loose waves.

"Yeah, well, speaking of not wanting to be here," Kaylie began, "I think it's safe to assume we won't be seeing Lauren tonight?"

Nicky and Austin exchanged a look that didn't go unnoticed by either girl.

"What?" Kaylie demanded.

"Well," Nicky hesitated, "I don't know why it matters. It's not like you have been on the best terms since we got back to the US."

"So?" Kaylie challenged. "That doesn't mean we aren't still friends."

"Kaylie, by 'not on the best terms' he means Lauren probably hates the both of you for beating her in every event, including beam. So that combined with being ignored by the media and the fact that we're celebrating her father's ex-fiancee's engagement to her old coach, leads me to the conclusion that Lauren will not be joining us this evening," Austin elaborated.

Payson nudged him in the side.

"What?" He asked. "It's true."

"Austin," she rolled her eyes at his tactless behavior, but before she could lecture him, their attention was turned toward a circle of people cheering, surrounding a single couple. Sasha and Summer had arrived at the party. Payson's playful smile immediately fell off her face, and she looked around for somewhere to go. Her focus pinpointed on the door to the kitchen that would lead her to another door, that would take her outside. She started walking towards it, but was abruptly stopped by Austin.

"What's wrong babe?" His eyes looked at her concernedly, attempting to discern what was wrong.

She put on a smile. "Nothing. It just got really hot in here. I need to go outside and breathe."

His face relaxed a little. "Do you want me to come with you?" He asked.

"No," she replied immediately. "I just need a few minutes. I'll be right back."

"Okay," Austin answers, before resuming his discussion with Nicky and Kaylie.

Payson sends one last look over her shoulder at Summer and Sasha. She walks through the kitchen, and by the time she is out the back door, she is hunched over, barely able to breathe.

She hears the door open and immediately pulls herself together. She stands up straight and turns around to greet the intruder. She sees who it is and walks further into the yard.

"Payson," the voice calls. She walks faster.

"Payson, wait!" They yell out, again.

She pulls off one shoe successfully, but it takes a few more seconds to unhook the other one. She finally does, and disposing of them both in the grass, she starts to run.

She doesn't know how long she is running for, but it feels like seconds when she hears footsteps catching up. It takes even shorter a time before her path is obstructed by the body that was following her.

"Payson." He grabs her by both arms. "Stop."

"Oh hey Sasha," she tries to play it off. "I didn't see you."

"Payson." He states her name like he's telling her to cut the crap. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine Sasha. You're not my coach anymore. You have no responsibility to me."

"Payson just tell me what's wrong. If you were fine, you would still be at the party." Sasha looks at her with eyes desperate to understand.

"Do you really wanna know what's wrong?" Payson's volume escalated significantly, and any evidence of being happy completed disappeared. "What's wrong is you are out here asking me what's wrong, when you should be at your engagement party with your fiancee. I was fine for two weeks. For two weeks I forgot you ever left me. For two weeks, I forgot you got engaged at the stupid Olympics. For the two weeks I was gone, and you meant nothing to me. But now I'm back and I'm hosting an engagement party for you. Everything is wrong with that Sasha."

"Payson," he said softly, his hands in the pocket of the same suit he wore to take her to the ballet. "You know I had no choice in leaving you. You would have never been so successful at the Olympics if I was there to distract you."

"Do you really think when I think about the Olympics now, I think about how successful I was? You couldn't have waited until we got back, until we at least gave whatever we were a real try?" She asked desperately.

"Payson, you know I didn't ask Summer. She asked me, and I just,"

"Stop." She cut him off. "Save it. The way you can prove to me that you care about me now is by just getting out of my life. The only thing you've ever been good at is leaving me. You don't know how much I want to trust you, but I can't. Not anymore. It hurts too much. I don't want to risk everything I have with Austin for you, because I don't know when you'll decide to leave again."

She stands with her arms crossed in defiance, waiting to hear what he has to say.

"I wish you knew how much I wish I could take everything I said that night back," He replied, his eyes brimming with tears. "Because it is enough. Our love. It is enough, or we wouldn't be here right now."

Payson looked in his eyes, as disbelief filled hers. She maintained her stoic composure and said, "The one time you were right was when you said it wasn't enough, because it's not. You are going to marry Summer. If you loved me you wouldn't be marrying her. You made a decision. I don't know if you chose wrong, I can't tell you that, but I can tell you that I don't know how to love someone who isn't there. We can't be together anymore."

He looked away, and they stood in silence. "I miss you." He said, more to himself than to her. "I wish I chose differently."

"Well I don't miss you." She replied, not missing a beat. "I'm with Austin now. He treats me great, he defends me, and he looks out for me."

"You don't need that Payson," he replies snidely. "You don't need someone to look out for you and to protect you."

"Maybe I don't." She snaps back. "But he loves me."

"And do you love him?" Sasha inquires.

She hesitates, and that's enough for Sasha to call her out.

"How can you be happy spending your life with someone you don't love?" He tries.

"Do you love Summer?" She fires back. "Did you make the right decision?"

He avoids eye contact, and whispers to the ground. "Yes."

"Then why are you here?" She says, venom dripping from every syllable.

"I don't know," he whispers.

"Then I guess we're done," she says, sounding disappointed. She starts walking away from him, and her house, when she thinks of something she forgot to say.

She turns around to his retreating figure.

"Sasha," she calls out, not wanting to leave anything unsaid.

He turns around. For a second, she could swear she saw a flash of hope in his eyes.

"I'm not coming back," she states.

A puzzled look overcomes his face.

"To Colorado I mean," she clarifies. "I was offered a coaching job in New York. I think I'm going to spend some time there for awhile."

He puts his hands in his pockets, and nods. Before he can turn fully around and return to the party, she calls out again.

"Sasha." Again, he looks around. "I do love you. You're my soul mate," She says. She pauses, thinking carefully of what to say, and continues. "But real life isn't like Cinderella. It's more like Romeo and Juliet. If our families and friends never came into play, we could be so happy, and in love. But all the outside forces do matter, and for us it ends like a tragedy. Granted neither of us killed ourselves, but this isn't a happy ending. Our love really isn't enough."

She turns around and starts walking away. He watches her figure disppear, Her dress sparkling under the streetlights. He can't help but think to himself, that he'd give anything to make their love be enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, so much for that oneshot. I just couldn't resist. I think I'm gonna write one more part to this. I'm not so sure yet, we'll see how it goes. Let me know what you think, I'd love to know what you liked & what I could do better. Thank you so much to the previous chapters reviewers, I appreciate it with everything! You should definitely review & make my day.**

**P.S. Who watched last night's episode? Loved it! Let me know what you thought of that too!**


	3. Chapter 3

Five years ago when Payson left Boulder, she never planned on looking back. She never had any intention of going anywhere near Colorado again. During the holidays, she always flew to her grandmother's in Minnesota, or if Becca had her way, the family came to visit her in New York. At the ripe age of twenty-three, her mindset hadn't changed, and she still never wanted to set foot in Boulder again. She felt that Boulder held too many memories, and too many wounds she wanted to leave unopened. She was fine with that decision, and her life was going exactly the way she planned. Until her mother called her one day, informing her that Kaylie had relapsed into anorexia, and wasn't lucky enough to get off with only psychological issues. She was in Denver Health Medical Center recovering from near kidney failure, low blood pressure, and dehydration.

She insisted that she hadn't seen or heard from Kaylie in five years, and that even if she did know what to say to Kaylie, she couldn't make it better. Her mother was even more determined to get Payson to come home than Payson was to stay away, however, so Payson made arrangements to get home on the soonest flight. "I don't see why you're being so stubborn about this Payson," her mother had said. "It isn't like coming home will be the end of the world. You're on break, and don't you think it would be nice to come visit with us?"

Along with coaching at New York Elite, Payson was a second year medical student at Columbia. She normally used that as an excuse not to visit, but her mother knew better this time.

So, much to her dismay, Payson was sitting on a plane on the way to Boulder. She couldn't help but think to herself that Kaylie wasn't the only thing she didn't know anymore. She wondered what else had changed. She wondered if her bedroom was still the same. She wondered if the rest of the Cruz's and the Tanner's were still in town. She wondered if the Rock had different banners posted out front, advertising their new talent. She could guess the answers to all of these questions, but even so, she wondered.

She supposed she should have kept in contact with everyone from her early gymnastics life. She saw Austin daily, but they weren't dating anymore. They found that their relationship made it hard to keep a stable balance at New York Elite. They were always more like best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend anyway, so everything had worked out for the better. She knew Kelly coached in Miami, and saw her in passing at all the major tournaments. They caught up when either was in town, going out for the occasional drink or dinner. Other than that she had no idea what her old friends were doing. She thought keeping them away would make it easier to forget.

Too soon for Payson's liking, the plane had landed, she collected her luggage, and she checked her rental car out. Then only thing left to do was confront her past.

* * *

><p>Payson had parked her rental in Denver Health's parking lot and was walking into the hospital when her phone rang.<p>

She saw her mother's name on caller ID and picked up immediately.

"Hey Mom," she answered.

"Hey Pay. Did you have a good flight?"

"Yeah," Payson responded. "We landed about an hour ago, I'm walking in to see Kaylie now. I'll probably be home in a few hours."

"Alright, take your time. Everyone here is excited to see you," her mother responded.

"Okay, Well I'll definitely be home for dinner. What is Kaylie's room number again?"

"She's on the second floor in the east wing, room 3102," her mom answered.

"Alright, well I'm heading in now," Payson replied nervously. "I'll call you before I leave."

"All Kaylie really needs right now is a friend, so don't put too much pressure on yourself," her mother reassured.

"Alright mom. I gotta go now. Love you," Payson said.

"Love you too, sweetie," Kim Keeler replied.

Payson set on a long journey throughout the hospital. There were so many floors and wings, she didn't even know what elevator to take. She finally resorted to asking one of the nurses at a desk to help her find her way, only to find Kaylie's room was right down the hallway.

She stood outside the door for a few minutes, preparing herself for what was coming. She closed her eyes, straightened her posture, and took a deep breath before opening the door.

When Payson first saw Kaylie, her heart almost broke. She looked so weak and helpless, and Payson's mind flashed back to the girl she remembered from five years ago. The twenty-three year old lying in bed in front of her so much resembled the seventeen year old she knew before. Both looking as if the slightest touch would break them. How could she have not noticed Kaylie had a problem then? She knew the answer and was somewhat ashamed to admit it. She was so wrapped up in herself and making a comeback that she failed to notice something that almost destroyed her best friends career. She didn't know how she could have been so oblivious.

She was snapped out of her silent reflections by a soft, "Hey."

Payson looked at Kaylie's fragile figure and responded in the same manner.

They sat in an awkward silence for a while, neither knowing where to begin.

It was probably minutes, but it felt like hours before Payson finally broke the silence again.

"Kaylie," Payson almost pleaded, "What happened to you?"

"I thought we at least might try to avoid the subject for a little while," Kaylie tried to make light, failing miserably.

"You know what happened Pay," Kaylie said, all signs of false humor gone. "You were here the last time."

"Are you going to get better?" Payson asked. "Do you want to get better?" She rephrased.

"I want to get better but I don't know if I can," Kaylie replies desperately, tears filling her big brown eyes. "This is the second time I've nearly killed myself, just by trying to look perfect. I don't want to be sick anymore, but I can't make myself believe that I'm good enough. I know I've accomplished things that people only dream of. But what am I supposed to do next? I'm an Olympian, a world class Olympic coach, and a platinum selling artist. Where am I supposed to be going, and why isn't that good enough for me?"

By the end of her spiel, Kaylie is in full on tears, Payson nearly with her.

"Kay," Payson lets out softly. "You have a disease. Anorexia is hard to recover from, but you did it before, you can do it again. I believe in you, one hundred percent, and so does Nicky, and so do your parents. You're one of the strongest people I know, you're perfect just the way you are. It may take some time for you to believe that, but all the people around you, we already know it."

"Thanks Payson," Kaylie says, tears beginning to subside. "It's just hard."

"I know. And I am so sorry," Payson responds sadly. "I should have been here for you. I should have came back every once and awhile."

"Pay, I've really missed you," Kaylie admits. "It's not the same without you here."

"Well lucky for you, I'm in town for awhile," Payson changes the mood, thinking they've both had enough emotional for one day. "I'm on break for a month, and Austin can handle NYE without me for a little."

"How is Austin?" Kaylie asks curiously, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"He's good," Payson replies, with a smile on her face. "Doesn't want anything to do with anything unless there is alcohol or double-d Brazilian models involved. He hasn't changed a bit."

"Wait, so are you two not together anymore?" Kaylie asked Payson, eyes round and voice filled with shock.

"No," Payson said. "It's all good though. We're roommates and still best friends. You and Nicky are still going strong I presume?"

"Nicky's great," Kaylie said, eyes shining. "He treats me like a princess, and The Denver Club has a great dynamic. We really work well together. Kinda like how it used to be at the Rock with Sasha and your mom."

Payson was expecting him to come up in conversation, but it didn't lessen the blow when he did.

"You're still in contact with Sasha then?" Payson asked, not trying to sound too interested.

"Of course," Kaylie replies as though Payson should already know that answer. "He keeps in touch me and Lauren. He mentions Kelly every once and awhile too."

Payson's face falls, and she tries to pick it up before Kaylie notices, but being her best friend, Kaylie can tell.

"You guys haven't been emailing or anything?" Kaylie asks.

"No," Payson replies. "I haven't talked to him since the engagement party."

"Some engagement," Kaylie scoffs. Payson looks at her, bewilderment written clear across her face.

"You didn't hear that either?" Kaylie questions.

Payson shakes her head.

"It was a few months after you left, Sasha broke off the engagement. I heard he found out Summer was secretly dating Steve Tanner behind his back."

Kaylie was enthralled being the first person to tell Payson this news. It reminded Payson of Kaylie and Lauren chatting in a corner of the gym when they were younger, gossiping about whose leotard didn't match their scrunchie and whose hairstyle was so last week.

Payson looked at Kaylie, her indifference wearing off. "Are you sure that's why they broke off the engagement?" She interrogated, hoping for some answers.

"Nobody really knows," Kaylie answered suspiciously. "Why?" She decided to add, examining Payson's face, knowing she was hiding something.

"I'm only telling you this because you're in the hospital, and you look pathetic right now," Payson told Kaylie.

"Oh gee thanks Pay," Kaylie responded sarcastically. "Good to know you tell your best friend things willingly."

"Remember the night of the engagement party, when I left for fresh air, and never came back?" Payson asked.

She proceeded to tell Kaylie everything about her and Sasha, from hooking up in the gym office and his trailer to him following her outside from the party, to him demeaning her relationship with Austin. And most importantly his influence on her decision not to come back.

Kaylie handled it much better than Payson would have expected. She was naturally shocked at first, but less than a minute later she was full of understanding. "It makes sense, you and Sasha. You've always had a different relationship than he had with his other gymnasts. And you compliment each other well. You're compatible. It works."

Payson knew Kaylie was right but that didn't change the fact that he hurt her. It didn't change anything that happened in their past, so the news of his availability didn't affect her life at all.

"Thanks Kay. It doesn't change anything though. If he wanted to be with me, we would still be together. But we're not so, obviously we weren't meant to be."

"Payson," Kaylie said, eyebrows high. "This was how many years ago? Things have changed. He hasn't but you have, and so have the circumstances."

"Things haven't changed that much," Payson said stubbornly. "He knows where I am, he could've gotten my number and address from my mom, but he didn't, and I'm glad. It's for the better. I've gotta run."

"Fine, but don't be rude to him at dinner," Kaylie said. "Don't do something permanently stupid because he hasn't flown across the country to see someone he knows is avoiding him."

"What did you just say?" Payson demanded. "Did you just say that I shouldn't be rude to him at dinner? Sasha is going to be at my house?"

"Payson, just remember, I'm in a hospital bed, we're best friends and if you back out I'll never talk to you again," Kaylie threatened. "I love you, call me when dinner is over."

Payson Keeler found herself driving back to her house, to confront the one thing she had been avoiding for five years.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I had originally intended to make the dinner and this one chapter, but it was way too long, so I cut it down a little. Let me know what you think, and if there is anything you'd like to see happen. As always, leave constructive criticism, it makes me better! Also, this is probably my only normal story, so it will most likely stay that way until the end, I won't make it too crazy!**


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